R.I.P. Mother (1953–2020)
My mother is dead. Long live my mother.
I can’t belive my mother is dead … at the age of 66. From cancer.
The Year of Change has changed. It was supposed to be a year of great changes – For the Better. It started out worse and went downhill and off a cliff. I was trying to stear it in the right direction. I thought I was in control. But we are never really in control. We are not gods. We are humans who do our best, at the best.
The year started out good. I felt strongly I was living by my Lifebook (my plan). Especially when it came to Health & Fitness, the foundation of great change.
But when my mother had a stroke from her cancer medication we had to take a break from the treatment. All of a sudden she lost weight and later strength. In and out from the hospital we all did our best to get her back in shape for continuous treatment. We almost came back. But her body never really did. Her intestens started to fail and a chain reaction more or less began. In the end she moved from different hospitals to a hospice like place.
Right then and there. I started to realize this year would not be about her change to the better. Even if I had hope ’til the end.
The last three days of waking over her were tough mentally. Me, my brother and my wife stood by her side all the the time. We spoke to her even though she barely could respond. We gave her love, brought the grand children, played her music and made peace with our pasts and said those things you need to say before you part.
It was beautiful in its sadness.
She decided to leave on june 10th, 1.23 pm, after she heard us speak to her beloved brother Esko. We felt clearly that he was the last person she wanted to say goodbye to.
Today I feel empty. Broken. And sad.
I’ll be back
I know I will come back, I always do. I have the same fighting spirit she does – Never give in until it’s my time to go. If there is only one thing I can pass on to you who reads this it’s just that. Never surrender your life. Only you know how you want your life to be lived. Don’t ever let anyone decide it for you. You Must Find What That Is Yourself. Only then you can feel that you lived a life to the fullest.
I’m also sad about those things we never got around to doing. But in the end I think back on what we did and had. Those small moments that means more than the experienced shared. I take with my that she could really appreciate the small things in life. That coffee cup moment in the sun. The love from family and friends. The growing of once grandchildren/children.
We humans are great att taking things for granted. Don’t ever do that. Nothing never is.
Rest in peace mother. I’m happy you’re united with your mother that you missed so much. I love you.
A final quote to live by …
“We will all die, until then we shall Live.#QuickQuote2U
Live our lives to the fullest.
Only you know. And have the know how.”